The Happiness Goal

I remember posting pictures of myself in my new bathing suits over the summer. At the time, I was still losing weight but I felt phenomenal. I remember saying that I felt so good exactly where I was. I embraced my curves and was channeling Marilyn Monroe. But when I returned from my Disney vacation in September, my body decided it was done losing weight and as I strived toward the goal that fell within the BMI numbers Weight Watchers follows, I knew that it was completely unrealistic for my tall and muscular build. All of a sudden, I felt like I couldn't enjoy my success because I had this number hanging over me. A number I knew I'd likely never hit or be able to maintain.

After the first few months of my weight stalling, I knew I was officially in a plateau. Dread... People kept telling me it would happen because I lost weight relatively quickly and consistently. Sure enough, it showed up. Thankfully, I continued to take measurements as I plateaued and I know that I lost many inches over those 5 months. But the heavy feeling I felt every time I stepped on the scale was so awful. No matter what I did, and I did EVERYTHING, the weight wouldn't come off. I tried calorie cycling, carb cycling, increasing my workouts, decreasing my workouts, etc., etc.

But deep down inside, I felt happy where I was. I wanted someone to say "you can be happy here." I needed to know it was okay for me to be proud wearing a size 10. I wanted someone to say "you have a healthy and beautiful body at 195 lbs." And that validation came from my doctor, the one opinion that means the most to me.

When my doctor walked into the examination room she said, "wow! I didn't even recognize you!" I told her that I had lost 62 lbs in 2016 and that the weight had mostly come off in the first 8 months and that I had hit a plateau for the last 5 months. She immediately responded "so your body is happy at this weight. Are you happy at this weight?" OMG.... Alleluia. YESSSSS!!! I told her I was so pleased with where I was and that I felt like I wanted to maintain at this weight. She asked me what I had been doing for exercise and was thrilled with my efforts. I told her I was doing Weight Watchers and that I was concerned with my goal weight falling within the BMI. She told me that she doesn't follow the BMI and that people who are built like her and I, tall and muscular, would have a difficult time achieving that goal.

And this is why I love her...

She said to me, "as long as you are eating well, being active and can maintain the weight you are at, I'm happy." But most importantly, she wanted to make sure that I was in the right frame of mind and that I was truly content at this weight. I told her how I was so proud of what I had done and that I've never felt better in mind, body and spirit. That was the most important criteria for her. She wants me to be in a place where I can continue to live this way and that's it is something that I can sustain without drastically altering my diet. And she just wants me to be healthy and happy.

I left my appointment feeling 25 lbs lighter. The pressure I was feeling to conform to some number that wasn't made for me had become so intense and all of a sudden, that heaviness had been lifted. I was free.

Free to love my body for what it is.
Free to continue to be healthy on my terms.
Free to continue my journey by helping others.
Free to continue encourage other men and women to find their ideal body type and embrace it.

And the most magical thing happened tonight when I was at my hip-hop class. As I looked in the full-length dance mirror, I barely recognized that adorable girl with the long, lean body in the mirror. She's not a size 2 but she's strong, healthy, beaming and comfortable in her skin. And isn't that what we all want at the end of the day?

I think that's when you know you have truly hit your goal.