So I wrote Oprah since Weight Watchers doesn't have an email. Seriously.
Hi Oprah,
First of all, I want to thank you because when I saw your commercials for Weight Watchers last year, it was the nudge I needed to get back to a program that works. And when I joined last January and saw that smart points included sugar, carbs and protein into the equation, I knew it was a game changer. I was right.
I lost 62 lbs in 8 months on the new program. I blogged, shared every meal, every workout, every milestone and every pitfall on Connect. I have almost 9,000 followers on the Canadian Connect. I have promoted the program via Instagram and gushed about how balanced it is. But there is a problem with the program. A big one. There is a huge gap between saying "beyond the scale" and honouring it.
For 8 months, I lost weight almost every week and rarely gained. But at around 195 lbs, my 5'9" frame said... whoa. No more. I stopped losing weight. Even though I was doing all the things that worked in the past, and even increasing my workouts to include lots more cardio and strength, the scale stopped moving.
In my mind, I knew that I had to get to 169 lbs if I wanted to be on the high end of the BMI and get to my goal. That's about what I weighed in high school, before babies, and I was slim back then. But I wasn't as fit as I am today. That number would be a struggle.
Last week, I met my doctor and she was floored at how good I looked and how fit I was. I told her how I had lost most of the weight in 8 months and then stopped. She said "well that's because your body is happy here. Are you happy here," she asked me. I knew for months, that, at a size 10, I was most definitely happy in my skin. "Sounds like you hit your goal to me," she said. And with that she gave me a note to let my meeting leaders know that I was at my goal weight, a weight I knew I could maintain without starving myself. She told me that most modern doctors don't look at the BMI because it is such a poor representation of health. It doesn't take into account how muscular people like me are and doesn't tell anything about a person's lifestyle or health. She was more concerned that I was fit, exercising, eating well and HAPPY. She wanted to make sure I felt good in my heart and mind.
Today was my worst day on the program when it should have been my best. I walked up to the scale and gave the meeting receptionist my note and explained I had a goal weight set by my doctor. First, she was irritated because the doctor hadn't put my weight on the note. Why that matters, I don't know. It was dated and had my name on it. Then she proceeded to ask me what my height was and showed me what "I should weigh" on the chart. Pointing obnoxiously at the number. She then told me "and you can NEVER work for us. Not that you ever wanted to." Wow, your loss weight watchers. The way I've been helping people on connect, making up low point recipes, sharing my vulnerabilities with the world, answering questions about the program, just to be kind... yeah you don't need me anyway. I work for free apparently. And little did she know, the territory manager had already sent me the paperwork to apply.
I never got a congratulations. I never got "a wow, great work." I was made to feel like a fat pig. And as someone who has been obese her entire adult life and finally is at a healthy weight at 38, this was devastating. I have a food addiction. Not a day goes by where I don't want to overeat, or binge, or sabotage myself. When I go to Weight Watchers, my safe place. my hope is that my weight will be treated with the most careful sensitivity because it is my battle Every. Single. Day. I am very sensitive about it.
I sat down in shock, started talking to my friend and completely broke down in tears. The way I played out this day in my head for the last year was not what materialized. Not even close. As it turns out, because there is such a lack of leaders in the Winnipeg area, our meeting was cancelled. Irony... Yet, they don't need good people like me who work the program and promote the program for all its strength. Nope. Don't fit on the chart. We don't need you.
Yes, this could be a receptionist having a bad day but it's such a bigger problem than that one woman. During my plateau, which by the way, maintaining my weight for the last five months wasn't a vacation, it was the same hard work as before. If anything, I had increased my cardio like mad to try to budge the scale. Anyway... I would step on that scale and always felt deflated. If you aren't losing at the scale, you aren't getting much love. It's not like I wasn't trying! Frick, it was hard work! But the receptionists never made me feel like I was still working hard. They didn't honour that battle because the number didn't tell the story.
I left every meeting feeling like a horrible failure despite my hard work. But while the program is "beyond the scale" we all know it's not "beyond the scale". Your success is measured, evaluated, honoured by what that stupid scale and those stupid charts say. I know you need to be able to reward people and measure people's success... but this isn't cutting it anymore. I left that meeting today feeling fatter then I did 60 lbs ago. That is not acceptable.
I had one of the greatest validations of my hard work last week. It trumped (ha!) the goal weight victory. Last summer, I learned to run. It was hard. I have flat feet, I was over 200 lbs. It was hard but I did it. I ran my first 5k at the end of October and finished in the middle of the pack. Not bad for my first official race!
I hadn't run since that race in October but have been doing crazy intense cardio and strength training home workouts. Last week, our horrible frigid winter had a slight warming trend so I thought I'd go for a run. I put spikes on my shoes and ran outside on the slippery snow and ice. I was worried I'd have a hard time because I hadn't run in such a long time. But as I started running I realized it was the same as it always had been but there was one major difference. I had shaved 2 minutes off my best time per km during that run. I used to run an average pace of 7:45/km, the other day I did it in 5:50/km. I was so incredibly proud. All the cross training, building muscle, working my butt off paid off. But do you think the woman at the scale cared that my run time is in the top 25%? Does she know I can hold a plank on my toes for a minute? No. She looks at me and only sees the number on the scale.
So while I may not fit on some chart and 196 lbs may not sound like a goal weight, I AM STRONG. I AM CONFIDENT. I AM MORE THAN A NUMBER. And I will not let any number dictate my inner and outer beauty.
I know you are intelligent, influential and forward-thinking and my thought is that you are probably working on making these types of changes already. I felt compelled to message you directly because I know that you know my struggle. I know you battle your weight every day like I do. We didn't become overweight because we are lazy or stupid, we have a legitimate addiction. Our bodies don't respond to food the same way other people do. So this is our struggle and battle every single day. Because of this, there needs to be more education and training for staff when it comes to compassion and sensitivity towards meeting members. That woman body shaming me at the scale is completely unacceptable especially on a day that was supposed to be the culmination of all my hard work. I ran to the first drive-thru and ate more than I should have. I hadn't done that in a long time. That says a lot.
Thanks so much for listening to my story. As a filmmaker, journalist, writer and communicator myself, you are without a doubt one of my greatest inspirations and I'm very proud of the woman you have become in your life and thank you for always being a champion for women all over the world.
Sincerely,
Natalie
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