The Happiest Place On Earth: Home :)

Phew... I made it back from Disney World. It was freaking hot! Like 35C plus humidity. How do people live like that? (says this Manitoba girl from the land of ice and snow. LMAO) While I love going to Disney... there is no place like home.

You gotta get Minnie Ears!

We had lots of fun and the obvious stress that comes along with dragging your mom, two kids and husband around all day long in the relentless heat. But we did all the rides we were hoping to do - especially the scary ones (even my mama!) - and I'm sure we made memories we will all keep forever like riding Kali River Rapids in Animal Kingdom 8 times in a row. We were soaked and laughed our butts off. I'll never forget how giddy we all were. So awesome!

So What's The Skinny, Minnie?
So how did I do food wise? Well, first thing to mention is that American portion sizes are CRAZY!!!! Seriously! We could have shared 3 meals between 5 people but because we were on the dining plan, we were all entitled to our own meals plus snacks and desserts. Too much food. I felt so guilty leaving food behind. Le sigh...

I ended up gaining one pound but my weigh in was a day after we returned. For all I know that could have been water weight from all the sodium or from flying. Because, if I have to say so myself, I ate like a rockstar. The only issue was the desserts. I had a hard time pushing them away. I think had they not been available at every meal, I would have lost weight that week.

Most of my meals were made up of proteins, healthy fats, veggies and fruit, which is how I normally eat for the most part. Here are a few of my fave restaurants:

Pico Bill's at Magic Kingdom
Mexican food which meant I could have a fajita platter! This came with chicken or beef, rice, beans, sautéed veggies and three tortillas. I only ever ate one tortilla and brought the rest to the hotel to make breakfast burritos with the eggs we had delivered.

Landscape of Flavors at The Art of Animation Hotel (our Hotel)
There were lots of choices at our hotel when it came to various meals. Lunches and dinner options were burgers, homemade chips, pizza, build your own pasta, sandwiches, salads... But they also had a station that made stirfries and curries so I had that a few times for lunch. Really healthy and satisfying.

The Rainforest Cafe at Animal Kingdom
We had dinner here the second day I believe. We've dined at The Rainforest Cafe in Disneyland and it was also very good. I had the seafood stew. It was delicious! It was tilapia, mussels, crab legs and shrimp in this spicy tomato broth. Beautiful depth of flavour. Mmm....

The Garden Grill at Epcot
This is a character dining experience so Pluto, Chip and Dale and Mickey all come by to visit as your restaurant rotates. Exciting! This meal was family dining which meant that they just brought a set menu to the table and you could keep asking for more food as you needed. Well, we only needed the one serving for our family of 5.

You got a salad, a big bowl of mac and cheese, sweet potato fries (which were AMAZING! The secret: cinnamon), dinner rolls and whipped honey butter (OMG). Then you got this massive skillet that had roast beef, turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green beans, peppers and sausages and cranberry sauce.

Interesting story... So we didn't even finish the first set of food brought to our table. But get this... The waitress said that the table before us had 4 skillets between 4 adults. 4 SKILLETS!!! I can't even imagine where you would shove all that food. This comes back to American portion sizes and, I'll be honest, there were so many people with weight problems down there. Overweight people using scooters to get around the parks... It was sad because I was not that far from that and I know how hard it is. There is a real obesity epidemic down there and it seems worse than in Canada. At least in my opinion. The food industry has made people addicted to crappy food and it's very, very scary. Ugh... So, so sad. :(

50s Prime Time Cafe
This is such a riot! This restaurant looks like my grandpa and grandma's house in the 80s... because it hadn't changed since the 50s. The melamine furniture, the kidney shaped tables, the old tube TVs.... Hee hee... I loved it. The food was pretty good too. I had Mom's Old Fashion Pot Roast. It was satisfying and tasty. And for dessert, the pineapple upside down cake. You had to have it! lol It was very good and so pretty too.

And notice what was playing on the TV? Dennis the Menace! Inside joke because we call our Ben "Bennis The Menace" and he looks just like him.

So these are just a few of the highlights. We also went to the Chefs de France in Epcot. It actually wasn't that great. I had just made homemade French cuisine the week before so maybe I was spoiled by my "made with love" food ;)

No Tracking? No Kidding!
So after almost 250 days of straight tracking, I took a break while I was on holidays. And you know what? The earth did not implode. I ate mindfully, probably had too many desserts and sweet tea but hey, I was on vacation and we were putting in an average of 26,000 steps a day. I actually hit my first 30,000 steps badge while I was out there. Nice!

What I noticed about not tracking is that I'm at a place now where I just naturally want to eat better. I wasn't choosing healthy food because I'm "watching my weight". I chose healthy food because I knew I wouldn't feel like crap afterwards. Who wants to go on an upside down roller coaster and sit in 35 degree heat after eating a greasy cheeseburger and fries? Yeah, not me. I knew that would make me bloated and icky. Not worth it. Plus my body now CRAVES nutrition. NSV!! Can I get an amen?

So I was kind of proud of myself. Temptation was everywhere but I wasn't really tempted. I think all of this is sinking in. It only took 37 years. Awesome.

Simply Filling - Making the Switch
After evaluating my performance at Disney, I realized that I was in a place where I was ready to trust myself with food and not track as strictly. Someone mentioned a few weeks ago that, with the work I was doing on being more mindful about my eating, I might be ready for Simply Filling. If you don't know what Simply Filling is, here is the abbreviated version.

Instead of counting points for all of your food, Weight Watchers gives you a list of food you can eat without tracking and anything that isn't on the list (mostly junk food, sauces, certain fats, etc.) is tracked using your weekly points. But... BUT... you must practice mindful eating. You should only be eating until you are satisfied. Here is the list of foods.

This is my first day and so far I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. For the last few months, I've been going over my weekly points and, every time I do that, I feel tremendous guilt. But I've still been losing weight. The reason I have been doing well is because I was eating more food to satisfy my hunger and I was choosing good foods. I wasn't going over my points to eat junk food. I was just eating more. The extra eating started around the time I started running - my body just needs more calories to fuel itself and I'm honouring what it's telling me. But I still felt bad for exceeding my points each week.

By doing Simply Filling, I don't feel guilty about eating when I'm hungry because, if I'm eating foods on the Simply Filling list to satisfy my hunger, I don't have the points hanging over my head. It's brilliant.

Could I have done Simply Filling from the beginning? Helllll to the no! I've done a lot of work about learning portion sizes and cleaning my diet and that had a lot to do with counting points. I think that was very important for me to do first. But I know now that I'm ready for this next step. I hope.

I'm Proud of Me
When I started Weight Watchers in January, my goal was to be under 200lbs by Disney. I started at 257 and a little part of my thought that there would be no way I could do it. But as time went on, I realized that I was doing it and that I might just make my goal. Well I hit my goal 1.5 months early and I was 194lbs the day before I left. I DID IT! I feel so proud and so amazing. It's indescribable. We just all have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

The centre picture was from last year, the other two were from Disney!

"One bite, one meal, one day at a time."

How Good Food Reminds Us To Slow Down

I've been doing lots of French cooking lately. I think after a summer of hurrying and trying to fit so much in because our warm summers are so short, I was craving the opportunity to slow down. That slow down was also much needed in my cooking. And French cooking is all about slooooow.

Over the summer, most of our meals were quick like grilled meats and veggies, salads, etc. With fall starting to push its way in and, with the kids back at school, it's like we are given permission to slow down. Even the foods we tend to eat in fall require slower cooking to taste good. Vegetables like squash, carrots, rutabaga, parsnips, pumpkins - these foods require time to make their flavours come out. They loved to be roasted, simmering in broth on the stove or in the crockpot for hours. They are giving us permission to slow down.

In our home today, we are having homemade bolognese sauce made with tomatoes I roasted and strained. I also have onions, garlic, carrots, zucchini and spices mingling together in the pot. The secret to most good food is time. The longer my sauce simmers, the better it will taste. Cooking tells us its time to slow down but, in our hurried society, we are always looking for a way to speed up our meals both in the eating and the preparation. We seem to have forgotten the ritual and respect involved with food.

Most cooking shows and recipe books are trying to find us ways to eat healthy food but as fast as possible. And if you don't have time to cook, don't worry! Fast food chains have found ways to make your food available as fast as possible. You can even eat it in your car! But we all know there are very few healthy choices there for our families. Luckily, the industry is starting to change a little. Places like Qdoba or Chipotle Mexican Grill are allowing us to still eat quickly but at least with whole foods on the menu.

As I was stirring my sauce pot today I was thinking, the problem is not how to make food prep and eating faster, it's how do we learn to slow down in all aspects of our lives? It's no wonder North America is getting fatter by the decade - food isn't a ritual anymore. It's about getting it as fast as possible and shoving it down as fast as possible.

Obviously, I'm fortunate. I work from home which means I can have food simmering on the stove all day while other busy moms are at work punching a clock. But maybe the problem is that we are all trying to work more, do more, make more money, get our kids into as many activities as possible.... More, faster, bigger... but is does that make everything better?

If we look at Europeans, France and Italy in particular, they still take so much time and care in preparing their food and eating it. Meals can take hours. But overall, in all aspects of life, they are happy to slow things down. Incidentally, they seem to also have lower levels of obesity than we do in North America. Coincidence? Mindful eating plays into all of this of course. When we take our time, we can actually sense when our bodies are satisfied. If we inhale our food, by the time we know we are overly full, it's too late.

If you haven't seen the documentary series "Cooked" on Netflix, I highly recommend it. It looks at the rituals involved in the gathering and preparation of good, wholesome food. I absolutely loved how it reminds us of the importance of respecting the food itself and the process to make it taste incredible. And, in most cases, slowing down is the key.

Last week, I made French onion soup and boeuf bourguignon. Both these recipes are time consuming but the taste? Out of this world! Turns out when you cook onions down for an hour, they turn this beautiful, rich, golden brown colour with a depth of flavour that is sweet yet bold. And the secret to browning beef for your stew? Dry your meat well and don't crowd the pan. This means that browning the meat can take a good hour depending on the size of your pot. Then the stew has to cook for 3 hours. It. Takes. Forever. But it is so worth it.

Admittedly, this is not your every night kind of dinner. These would be great dishes to make on weekends and to have as leftovers during the week, but my point is that by getting back to basics, cooking real food, real slow, with real intent, it changes everything in our lives. It reminds us that food, and all aspects of our lives, require time and respect. It reminds us to sit down and talk with our kids over the dinner table. It reminds us to ask our grandmas to show us how to make homemade bread before it's too late. Food is not just fuel, it is culture, it's tradition, it's family.

I think if we all slowed down in all areas of our lives, the health of our bodies and families would reflect that. I think we'd all find so much more peace.

The Power of Thoughts

Today I hit another pretty exciting milestone in my weight loss blah blah. (I'm getting sick of the word "journey". Ha!) Today was my 35th weigh in and I hit my 60 pound loss and surpassed it by a bit too.

Holding 50lbs of potatoes because I couldn't carry 60!

I'm elated that the scale is moving in the right direction again - I think that had a lot to do with my breakdown/breakthrough which I posted about last week. I think another important breakthrough came this week when I gave myself permission to eat mindfully and not just stick to what I had planned and to those foods I deemed "acceptable" to eat.

Hold On Guys! She's Stressed!

I know I'm on Weight Watchers and we can eat "whatever we want" but for the most part, I've been sticking to foods that usually fall into certain categories. This week, I got rid of the food categories and listened to what my body wanted and needed. I went over my weeklies, as I have in the last 4-5 weeks, but I still managed to lose 2 lbs. Why did I do so well? I think I know the answer:

 It's not always the food we put in our mouths that stops us from losing. There is something going on in our heads that makes our bodies tense up which I truly believe makes them hold on to those calories and fat cells for dear life.

By eating mindfully this week, I was able to relax and rid myself of the guilt I normally feel when I eat foods outside of my norm. When I was hungry at 11am one evening, I asked myself: "Are you really hungry?" My body was like "I could eat a brontosaurus burger right now." Okay, duly noted. So I went downstairs, had a small bowl of leftover noodles. I felt satisfied, calm and not guilty in the least. I ate until I felt less grumbly in the tumbly and went back to bed. NO REGRETS. It seriously felt like my body had let out a sigh of relief... "Phew... I ate and she didn't make me feel bad about it." THAT SIGH WAS MY BODY REMOVING A ROAD BLOCK. Guaranteed! I could physically feel a release.

The Pregnancy Theory

You know what it's like when a woman is trying so hard to get pregnant and it just isn't working. She times her ovulation, checks her temperature, makes sure her husband is wearing boxers so his goods don't get too hot (I know this all from first hand experience with infertility). Yet the pregnancy doesn't show up. Months go by and she's getting more anxious, more frustrated, more emotional. And it still doesn't come.

Then one night, her and her husband have a few too many tequila shots in Mexico and wham bam thank you ma'am, she's knocked up. Why? No hang ups. No expectations. No stress. No regrets. (Obviously some people have medical reasons they can't get pregnant but sometimes it is just anxiety and stress. I think this may be one of the reasons I had secondary infertility for years and needed interventions the second time around.)

Perfect Points

I see some people so stressed about counting their points perfectly and pointing out every time someone misses a point here or there. I can just feel the anxiety and tension. I think the points are a great way to be mindful of our food but being crazy obsessed about counting perfectly is going to create huge anxiety and it will be just like the lady trying to get pregnant. The body will just not cooperate under those conditions. It's sensing the fight or flight response and it's going to hold on for dear life to everything it's got! Those are just some things I'm observing as I'm going through this, even for myself. Being mindful and accountable is good. Being anxious and perfect might be creating a block.

The "P" Word

I've also had quite a few people assure me that a plateau is on its way. For good reason! I read somewhere that around the 6-month mark of a weight loss journey, plateaus are fairly common. I'm almost in my ninth month now but I will not entertain the idea of a plateau. If I tell myself there will be a plateau, you better believe there will be a plateau. I don't even like writing it here. Jinx! I don't want to give the "P" word power over my thoughts.

The "T" Word

I also shutter at the word turtle and the idea of describing my weight loss in terms of slow or fast. I look at each loss as a victory. And a quick question...What magic number makes a loss fast or slow anyway? I don't understand these categories. These types of labels are dangerous in my opinion and I will not have them create some mental block for me. If other people want to call themselves turtles, go nuts. Recently, however, I've had a few people put turtles on my posts in relation to my weight loss and I was not very enthused about it. For me, that is a big stop sign in my brain and I will not put it in there. I actually usually scroll by when I see turtle emojis on weight related posts just because it creates this instant anxiety within me. Again, what other people do - fine but I just don't want it infiltrating my head space.

The Rebirth Theory

I watched a documentary the other night called The Sacred Science. It's about a group of people with varying illnesses going to the Amazon in hopes of being healed by shamans. While the plants and herbs they are administering are an important part of the healing, the true breakthroughs come through ceremony and the work these people are doing on themselves sitting in these secluded huts with no access to the outside world. The shaman's most critical job is to help spiritually and emotionally unblock people so they can heal.

The shamans in this documentary call disease a "mother" figure because disease always has a way of teaching us about ourselves. The disease is pointing out what we need to change something in our lives in order to restore our health and that "mother figure" will either rebirth us back into this world healthier or rebirth us into another plain - being the afterlife or a different life depending on your beliefs.

I think for me, my obesity is the mother figure. I have to go through all of this hard stuff: losing weight, looking within, crying, breaking down, getting frustrated in order to find the root of my relationship with food. Maybe at the end of this, my own rebirth will be into a new healthy body with a mind that is at peace with food.

All of this blah blahing is me saying, I am finally figuring out that a lot of these thoughts and emotions I had within me were stopping me from moving ahead in this weight loss rollercoaster ride. Not just this time, but throughout my life. I'm doing a lot of work on myself to remove any obstacles that may come my way by reading, watching documentaries, listening to podcasts and looking really deep inside myself to better understand my relationship with food and just how I fit into this life.

The Law Of Attraction - Hello Oprah!

Another exciting little piece of news from today's weigh in... Our Weight Watchers regional manager was at our meeting today and she informed me that she has submitted my name to potentially be on the next Weight Watchers call with OPRAH!!! Oh my gosh!! Part of me is completely in shock while the other part secretly feels like it was meant to be. Just a bit. Here's why!

Since I heard my first Oprah call, I think it was in February, I've been secretly having conversations in my head like I was on a call with Oprah. I imagine her asking me about my journey, what breakthroughs I've had, any tips, etc. I've been replaying these images in my head for 8 months. I feel like I attracted this into my life! I am a HUGE believer in the law of attraction and I even told a friend in February "I plan to talk to Oprah one day." Could it be that this will happen? My heart will burst with love and gratitude if it does. I may die!

All This Means What Now?

I feel like our thoughts, good or bad, really become the architects of our destinies. What we focus our attention on really ends up showing up in our lives. We must really look within ourselves to see what we our directing our attention on and see how it's impacting us.

Glad to have a space to share all my brain work. Bahaha!! I feel bad for anyone who gets trapped into reading my ramblings. But I do appreciate you so much. Because I know you get it. <3

The First Week of Eating Mindfully

Last week, I started reading a book called "Eating Mindfully" by Dr. Susan Albers. Here is a brief description from her book about what it means to eat mindlessly. I think it helps illustrate what the opposite is which is mindful eating:

"In our modern society, weight concerns, obesity rates, and obsession with appearance have changed the way we look at food—and not necessarily for the better. If you have ever snacked when you weren’t hungry, have used guilt as a guide for your eating habits, or have cut calories even when you felt hungry, you have experienced 'mindless' eating firsthand."

I'm not done the book yet but I'm diggin' it. I like that she gives you practical exercises to help you eat more mindfully. As I mentioned in previous posts, I feel like the first 4-6 months of my Weight Watchers journey (this time) was about eating, recipes, counting points and implementing exercise. With my goal less than 30 lbs away, I'm finding the work I need to do to move forward is more mental and emotional. And I know I need to learn how to eat mindfully. Here are a few things I learned this week.

Slow 'er down!

My Dining Room - I (heart) it so!

One of the first things I did this week was really slow down at meals and unplug. For the most part, I've been doing this all along. I sit in my dining room, make meals an event and try to take my time. What I did differently this week, is I really tasted the food. I thought about the flavours, textures and even the memories associated with the tastes, smells and look of the food.

I think slowing down allows you to actually taste and enjoy the food but it also let's your body catch up. It was easier to tell when I was satisfied rather than shoving food down fast and realizing after it was too late that I was full.

Away With Labels 

Now I'm not talking about nutritional labels, although that is kind of related to this too. This week, I would stop myself anytime I would associate food with either a negative or positive feeling. For example, if I grabbed a tomato to cut up for a salad and I'd here, "oh, a tomato. What a good choice," in my head, I tried to neutralize it. Same thing with negative connotations associated with a gingersnap, for example. A tomato isn't inherently good just like a cookie isn't inherently bad. One might be more nutritious than the other but it's the labels we attached to them that make them seem positive or negative to us.

So how did this work in a practical way? Here's an example. One night, I had fallen asleep on the bed with our little guy and my husband came up later after we had been asleep for a bit. When he moved my son, I woke up and immediately, my stomach was grumbling. I felt hungry! So much so I couldn't go back to sleep. So I went downstairs and looked in the fridge and tried to find something that I knew would satisfy me. I didn't look at the foods as being good or bad, I just tried to feel what would be the most satisfying in that moment.

We had a container of leftover egg noodles that were in the fridge from dinner. I knew that was exactly what would make my tummy feel settled. So I warmed up the small portion of noodles with a wee bit of butter and a bit of fresh parmesan and ate it. Old me would have felt guilty for eating noodles at 11pm but I ate what I needed to be satisfied and left it at that. There was no guilt attached to that moment or that food. I ate what I needed to in order to feel satiated. WHOA! Big deal people! Normally the guilt from that moment would have bothered me all day.

The Counting Conundrum

The tricky part now is, how do I make this work while counting points? Counting points has worked for me for 9 months. I haven't missed one day of writing down my food. Have I put every little thing in my journal or tracker? Um, no. Am I perfect at counting and measuring? Um definitely no. But I always try to keep track of my food day the best I can without being completely neurotic.

With mindful eating, the idea is to get away from obsessing over calories and counting points and labeling food as good or bad... Some of it goes against what we do at Weight Watchers. The idea with mindful eating is that if you just listen to your body's cues, and eat when you're hungry and only until you're satisfied, you shouldn't have to deal with weight problems. Eek! No counting?

So I kind of experimented this week. I really tried to only eat when I felt hungry and ate until I was satisfied. I still counted my points for most meals but, if I ate something that wasn't part of my normal day, like the noodles at 11pm, I didn't count them. I felt like if I counted them, I would be giving that food a negative label. Mostly guilt. But because I ate food in order to satisfy my hunger, I didn't want to feel bad about it. So I didn't track it. LOL... Does this even make sense? I don't know. Just experimenting.

I have decided, however, when we go to Disney World, I am not going to track points. WHAT?!?! Part of me cringes that I would actually stop my own streak (perfectionist) but I think it's an important test and a big step in learning how to trust myself with food. ERMAHGERD! I'm so scared and so exhilarated at the same time. Because I know I can trust myself.

Overall Thoughts...

Saturday's French Onion Soup

A beautiful things has transpired since I started this mindful eating practice this week. I feel so much more at peace with food. I think for most of my life, food was either exhilarating or defeating. I either loved it for all it's gloriousness or resented it for making me fat and for being the catalyst to my binges. It was so polarizing and so painful. 

This week I felt more relaxed with my food choices and I felt way more appreciative of food and found more self love. I'm learning that I've really grown in the last 9 months and I've learned that I can listen to my body and make good choices.

So those are my thoughts on this book so far. I'm anxious to see how my weigh in day goes on Tuesday. I'll be sure to keep you posted as I make more discoveries on this whacky road!

From the girl who is growing while shrinking!

Love ya,

Nat xoxo

Gratitude = Mindfulness

This is a blog entry from a blog I had a few years ago... The blog was all about how practicing gratitude changed my life.

I truly believe if we could all just be grateful for what we have, we’d all be more present and truly content. I know people will argue “well, what about the homeless person, or the people in Baltimore that are feeling injustice in their community?” Even in the most terrible circumstances, there is always SOMETHING to be grateful for. Breathe in, breathe out – those are two big ones.

When you start to practice gratitude, I guarantee that you will instantly become happier. If that’s the only thing that happens, I think it’s still pretty awesome. Who doesn’t want to be happier?

But what gratitude has done for me is it has opened my eyes to the world. I used to live my life with blinders on, going from one thing to the next, never living in the moment. Appreciating what I have right now has heightened my awareness of who I am in the world and how short my time is in this life.

Today, I have to smell my little boy’s sweet hair because he will soon be a grown man. Today, I have to listen to my daughter’s silly stories because soon she will be a mother herself. Today, I have to hold my husband’s hand because our time together on this plain won’t last forever. Gratitude has made me appreciate what I have today. What I have right now.

So start including gratitude in your life today. That’s your homework. Simply list 5 things that made your day special, close your eyes and really feel that appreciation from your heart. Do this for a week and tell me what it’s done for your soul.

Today I’m grateful for snuggles with my baby boy on the couch, silly conversations with my daughter while we did dishes, running into an old friend who commented on my weight loss, a quiet corner at the cafe to write and a perfect little chocolate macaron for dessert. These are simple things but they are the moments that make up the sweetness of life.

What are you grateful for today?