What I ate...

Welcome to my first exciting installment of what I ate!

I would tell you 'suck it, Morpheus!' There is a perfectly good reason why I choose to show every last piece of food I've eaten since February... It's called accountability. If I'm posting a picture of my food, there's a pretty good chance I'm not going to overdo the portions and there will be a nice balance of veggies and fruit on there too. It also forces me to make my food look somewhat appetizing because I'm OCD and I wouldn't post ugly food pics. I think I enjoy my food because it's prettier. Martha Steward would be proud.

Posting food pics works. Here's the science. Swallow that pill, matrix boy!


On to today's eats!

Breakfast:

My friends on Weight Watchers started making my strange yet delicious breakfast and called it "The Nat Special". I may have actually started the name first... I can't remember. Either way, it cracks me up. Here's what's in it:
- Silver Hills Little Big Bread (low calorie sprouted bread - the best and 1sp for a slice)
- Laughing Cow Cheese 1 sp
- PC Blue Menu Twice the Fruit Raspberry Jam (1 sp for 1 tbsp)
- 1 slice Lou's Applewood Smoked Back Bacon 0sp (yes.... 1 slice is 0!)
- 1 farm fresh egg (2sp because I cook it on a non-stick frying pan. No fat)
- A side of fruit - I mix it up usually: berries, bananas, peaches, grapefruit, etc.
Everything is piled on top of the toast in the order given. Minus the fruit. That stays on the side. :)
Total: 5sp
*A note on the back bacon... I love this stuff! Amazing flavour and nice thin slices that crisp up. Like real bacon! I hate thick back bacon. I buy it at Superstore.

Lunch:

Took my daughter for her first set of highlights today. Very subtle, no bleach, just colour. She's so excited :) We got home at 1pm so my lunch was later than usual but luckily I had all the makings for a Greek bowl.
- 2 oz pork roast leftovers (3sp)
- 1/2 oz feta cheese (1sp)
- 1/2 cup leftover cooked potatoes (2sp - cleaning the fridge)
- Veggies: cucumbers, tomatoes, dill
- 2 tbsp Opa! Tzatziki sauce (1sp)
Mix it all up and eat it!
Total: 7sp

Dinner:

I've been fantasizing about this Boursin creation since I had this dip at my cousin's house a few weeks ago. But instead of using it as a dip, I used it as a sauce for my grilled chicken. We had a salad on the side. Here's how you make the dip/sauce:

- 1 brick of Boursin Garlic and Fine Herb soft cheese
- 1 tsp olive oil
- 1 small onion, diced
- 2 tomatoes, diced
- 3 tbsp pesto (I used Scarpones)

Place the Boursin in an oven safe baking dish. Sauté the onion in the olive oil until softened. Add the tomatoes and pesto. Mix until blended. Remove from heat and pour over cheese. Bake at 350F for 15 minutes. You could eat it with crackers as a dip or pour it over your grilled chicken like I did. And die from sheer joy!
1/4 of the dip/sauce is 6 sp

I may have had just a little bit more than my 6sp worth of sauce. And I may have had some with Bretons while the chicken grilled. It was sooooo goood!!! Tracked and enjoyed!

Good night, friends!

Bowling For Lunch!

Bowl for lunch and get your cardio while eating! Ha... Just kidding... That's not really what I meant. But I suppose that would be an idea.

Note to self: start weight watchers lunchtime bowling league and make millions. (Copyright 2016)

All kidding aside, I have a huge love for fitting as much food as I can into a receptacle. In this case, bowls. The reason I love eating food out of bowls is that it always seems like a mountain of food. It's all those tricks are little brains play on us. If we use smaller plates, or bowls instead of plates, it makes it look like we are eating more. And since I only have 31 smart points to use each day, I need my food to look bigger. Bigger is always better. At least when it comes to food. At least for me.

What's In My Bowl?
So what do I put in these bowls, you ask? Well the magic combos usually contain: a protein, a massive amount of veggies, maybe a cheese and some kind of sauce. Notice the lack of carbs. I try not to eat too many carbs at lunch. I do still eat complex carbohydrates but I tend to stay away from too many processed ones. Makes me binge. Bingeing is not cool.

Here are a few ideas of bowls!

Greek Bowl:
- Leftover cooked chicken (3oz for 2sp)
- Lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes (0 sp!!)
- Olives (10 for 1 sp)
- Feta cheese (1/2 oz for 1 sp)
- Tzatziki sauce (I use Opa! brand: 1sp for 2 tbsps. I just want to shout "Opa!"and throw a plate.)
- Fresh dill

Directions: mix it. eat it. love it. Opa! (I added couscous to this one too. Optional)
Total smart points: 5sp

 Tuna Salad Bowl:
- Tuna (I use the Gold Seal no drain tuna in safflower oil because it's jucier. A 1/4 cup is 2sp)
- Veggies: cucumbers, green onion, grated carrot or whatever your crisper is about to un-crisp
- Light mayo (1 tbsp is around 2sp. You could use greek yogurt if you like it better)
- Salt, pepper, paprika
- Heck, if you're feeling wild, throw a hardboiled egg in there too! 2sp

Directions: Open the can of tuna. Wait until your kids say "ew, tuna". Mix the tuna with everything else and eat it. Alone. I never have to share a tuna bowl. Haha, suckers!
Total smart points: 6 (with egg)

Burrito Bowl:
- Cooked lean ground beef (3 oz is 3sp)
- Black beans (1/4 cup for 1sp)
- Corn (1/4 cup for 1sp)
- Avocado (1/4 of the fruit for 3sp)
- Other veggies: red onion, green onion, cilantro, lettuce
- Fat free sour cream (1/4 cup is 1sp)
- Salsa: most kinds are 0sp
- Cheddar (optional)

Directions:
Yeah, you get it now. Total smart points: 9

Yay for bowls!!! Aren't they just the happiest little dishes around? Fill them with love and they'll love you right back. So get out there and hug a bowl, would ya!

What are some of your fave bowls?

"It Was Me All Along" - A Book I Could Have Written Myself

First off, if you have battled with food your entire life like I have, you should definitely read this book. "It Was Me All Along" is a memoir by Andie Mitchell, a food columnist and blogger who spent 20 years of her life overweight and her entire life trying to understand the complexities of her relationship with food. In reading this book, I've realized that I may suffer from disordered eating. I'll explain why I believe that to be true in a moment.

The Early Years
Andie's earliest memories include her watching her mother prance around the kitchen preparing heaps of food for family gatherings. The chubby five year old would become transfixed by lemon squares, cupcakes, and so on. She explains how she just couldn't wait until her mom left the room so she could sneak another cupcake in even after having tried one already.

Three year old me... When did the food obsession start?

I remember going to family parties as a child and being so excited that there would be a spread of my favourite treats there: Cake, chips and dip, soft drinks, etc. After having stuffed myself at most of those parties, I recall going home at night and sleeping by the toilet because my stomach would be so sore. This happened frequently. Yet I would repeat the behaviours at the next party. I was obsessed with eating and over eating. I remember also sneaking food like glasses of quick and soft drinks which my parents kept in the cold storage room for visitors. I would drink sips from the 2L bottles in hopes no one would notice.


The Struggle Continues
Andie's struggle with weight continues on into her teen years. When the doctor finally points out that she is obese, she tries her first attempts at dieting. Her mom even signs her up for special diet pill trials to help her along but she still ends up confused about how to eat and doesn't end up being successful. She eventually finds Weight Watchers and counting points seemed to click for her but instead of finding a balance with food, she finds herself obsessed with counting and making sure she is eating foods she deems safe.

Diagnosed With An Eating Disorder... Sort Of...
It gets to the point where she is afraid to go out for dinner with her boyfriend and has a panic attack at the restaurant because she couldn't eat her "safe foods". After that outburst, which resulted in a fight with her beau, she decides she needs to see a nutritionist and eventually a therapist and psychiatrist. The nutritionist suspects Andie has EDNOS, which stands for  an Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified. She had gone from a lifetime of overeating to a diet of restriction... BOOM... Lightbulb... This is me exactly.

My Food Obsession
The truth is I am obsessed with food. I'm always thinking about it whether I'm in binge mode or calorie counting mode. Thus the disordered eating. I've tracked and counted my food for 230 days straight because I'm terrified that I will screw up and fall back into old habits. I don't trust myself with food. I'm either all in (extreme obsession with being a perfect counter, working out, etc.) to all out and saying "who cares" and letting myself get drunk with food. And the sad truth is that I don't think I will ever be rid of this obsession. And that is exhausting to think of.


OA? Therapy?
My mom belongs to Overeaters Anonymous and I'm starting to think this might be something to consider. It's about learning what your triggers are, dealing with the compulsive thoughts and learning to give them up to a higher power - be it God, Source, The Universe, whatever. It's AA for food obsessed folks like me. The other option would be therapy and maybe that's not a bad idea either. I just look around and say "why can't I be like that girl who never has this compulsive thinking towards food? Why did I end up with this?"

It's the hand that I was dealt so I'm learning to figure it out. Slowly... Obviously slowly... I'm almost 40 and I'm just starting to skim the surface of this big old dilemma. Writing and talking about it helps because I know I'm not alone.

It Was Me All Along
At the end of the book Andie talks about how some people who have lost lots of weight will refer to their bigger selves in a detached way, like that was another person from another life. People talk about how their newer self is new and improved but she says she doesn't look at her journey that way.

Here's a quote from the book: "But here's the truth I've come to know: Fat or thin, it was me all along."

I know who I'm becoming is a result of where I came from. The girl that was oinked at (twice in my life by different strangers), the girl who fidgeted at her brother's wedding because she felt like a whale in that hideous bridesmaid's dress made for a thin person and the woman who birthed two children (without drugs, may I add) had to go through all those things so she could become the person she is today. And from where I stand, I'm pretty happy with the results, flaws and all. At least every day I'm learning that there's is more that I can do to understand myself, be kinder to myself and love myself.

If you want to check out the book, click here.

Nat
xoxo

Ermahgerd... Not Another Blog!

Let's see.... This might be my 5th blog in 10 years... I still have three floating around on the interwebs but I will just let them mellow out for a bit before I remove them. It's like hanging on to a tacky sweater from the 90s, donating it and realizing that it's back in style. Crap! I hate when that happens. Do you know how many 90s parties I would have rocked had I kept my Doc Martens and my lumberjack shirts? Dang!

My first blog started when I was on Weight Watchers about 10 years ago. I had just had my daughter and decided to join online. I had been on Weight Watchers before that but I attended meetings with my husband. We both lost some weight before our wedding and I managed to keep most of it off. I only gained 25 pounds during my pregnancy thanks to my daughter doing backflips in my stomach and making me puke every day. No surprise that she is now a competitive cheerleader. I guess things work out in funny ways...

My Z girl... What a cutie!

Back in 2005, there weren't amazing social networking platforms like Instagram, Facebook, and, for those currently on Weight Watchers, Connect. Instead, many of us online members had a secret blogging society. Well it wasn't really secret but we mostly found each other through online Weight Watchers forums. Blogging gave us a way to share our journeys with other people who understood the struggle. It was a safe and nurturing way to be accountable to someone other than our families and friends. I loved the online connections I made through that blog but as many of us do, I left the program, let life take over and I gained it all back. Awesome.

I was fairly healthy in my early teens but after a difficult few years, the weight started creeping on as I tried to numb my pain. My parents divorce had a very negative impact on me at 15 years old. A lot of responsibilities landed on my shoulders as I tried to take care of my little brother and soothe my mom after my dad moved out. I'm not going to lie. It sucked. One of my other coping mechanisms was blocking out the people closest to me. My best friends didn't know what was going on and I just crawled within myself to avoid the humiliation and sadness. As a result, I've become a complete open book as I get older. Verdict is out whether or not that's the smartest approach. Vulnerability... Brené Brown would be so proud of me.

2004 vs 2016

So here we are, round 4 or 5 of Weight Watchers (I've lost track). I've been back at it since January 12, haven't missed a day of tracking and I'm nearing a total loss of 60lbs. I have 30 more pounds to reach my goal and if I can maintain it for 6 weeks, I will become a lifetime member. My hope for this blog is that it will give me the opportunity to get messy, spill my guts, help me figure out my relationship with food (which by the way, I've had some major epiphanies on this subject over the last few days) and maybe even help others who are also struggling to try to figure it all out. I'm not an expert but at least I can share my own experiences in hopes that it resonates with someone. The connections I've made through Instagram and Connect (via Weight Watchers) have been so powerful in my success thus far. So if you are visiting from there, thanks a million!! I hope this is just another way we can all connect and figure this thing out together.

Nat
xoxoxoxo