My Weight Loss Everest

It's been 369 days since I restarted Weight Watchers but in some ways, it feels like I'm stepping on the scale for the first time. I feel frustrated, I feel angry, I feel like I have a mountain to climb... but I only have another 10-20 pounds to lose. But this leg of the race feels like this is my weight loss Everest. And it's killing me.

I've lost 62 freaking pounds but for the last few months I can't feel thrilled with that because I'm looking ahead to what I have yet to accomplish. According to Weight Watchers, I should be somewhere around the 169 pound mark and yet my body is happy hovering around 194 (I am 5'9"). I'm wearing a size M-L and a size 10 in pants. This should make me so happy considering I started at a size 22 but I feel like I can't enjoy my successes because I'm controlled by the scale.

I would say that I eat pretty healthy 90% of the time. My diet consists of the occasional low calorie sprouted grain bread, lots of veggies and lean protein, some dairy in the form of cheese (only 1/2 an ounce or so a day), the occasional fruit and the odd treats like dark chocolate, low cal air popped popcorn, jello pudding. I'm starting to think that the only way this last bit will leave my body is if I go completely carb and sugar free. And frankly, I don't want to live like that. That will NOT be sustainable for me. Especially since I know I have a food addiction. Removing it all would be a recipe for disaster. Or would it?

I am currently doing an intense workout program called "Core de Force". I've been working out every day for 16 except for one because I donated blood that day. I know I'm building muscles and the exciting thing is that my back pain and knee pain have been significantly reduced. Definitely a NON SCALE VICTORY. And while Weight Watchers talks about Beyond the Scale, at the end of the day, it is the scale that says you had a good week or you had a bad week. At least from the way they measure our success.

Questions rolling around in my brain:

• If this is indeed a 5 month plateau, when will it end?
• Is it a plateau or is my body happy with where it's at?
• Will I have to remove all sugar and carbs from my diet to get to my goal?
• Am I concerned with getting to a certain size because that's what society dictates is appropriate or am I striving for a goal that isn't mine?
• If my doctor does make my goal higher, and says I'm okay with where I'm at as far as weight, will I be okay with stopping here and hope a bit more eventually comes off? Will that be a cop out?
• Is this a seasonal issue? Is my body retaining weight or holding back on weight loss because of the shorter days and cold winter? My plateau started around October. Interesting article here.

I am meeting with my doctor and I'd like her to check a few things for me like thyroid and other levels in my body. Maybe I'm lacking certain minerals or maybe I'm deficient in something? I'm also interested to see how she measures my health. From where I stand, I've never felt or looked better in my life but it will good to get a professional's advice.

I'm feeling so conflicted, discouraged and lost.