The Year I Chose Me

It's been one year since I restarted Weight Watchers. For the billionth time. The truth is, if I stick to the plan, it works. Plain and simple. The problem is, I've never stuck to it for more than 6 months but for some reason, this time was different.

January 12, 2016 vs January 12, 2017

My "Why"

We had a few tough years in our home. My mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer and died within 9 months. My husband and I weren't really happy with our jobs at the time. And with two of us being food addicts and emotional eaters, it wasn't pretty. We both gained quite a bit of weight. I was tipping the scale at almost 260 lbs and I was in pain. I had a herniated disc that was getting worse as the weight accumulated and, for almost a year, I hadn't had a decent night's sleep. I would toss and turn back and forth from one side to the other hoping the pain would disappear. I was exhausted. Walking up the stairs killed my knees and just walking in general had become uncomfortable.

But it was the picture. That dreaded picture that someone else posted on Facebook that made me crumble inside. I looked huge and couldn't believe what I saw. This was in November 2015. It was taken on a shoot for a documentary I was writing. After I saw it I vowed I would not attend the premiere of it looking like that and feeling the way I felt.

After Christmas, which was a food fest of epic proportions, I had the worse pain at night that I had had in a long time. My rib cage was sore all around and my back was hating me too. THIS HAD TO STOP. I was 36 and I felt like a frail and broken person.

January 12, 2016 my life changed when I walked back into Weight Watchers.

Getting Back on the Program

Just walking into my first meeting, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I don't know why but I just knew I was home and that if I did the work, asked for help and stuck to it, my life would vastly improve. I was so happy to see my mom's best friend, or as I call her, Mom 2.0. at our Winnipeg meeting. I had no idea she would be there so it was nice to have a familiar face.

Weight Watchers Game Changer

I'm going to get a little "ranty" here but hear me out. When I looked over the new "smart points" material on my first day and saw that carbs, protein and sugar were added to the points calculations, I said to myself "FINALLY!!!" I could never understand how sugar wasn't in the equation in the past! It seemed so utterly ridiculous to me when I had done previous programs like points plus. I knew this would be the game changer for me.

After joining, I heard so many people crying online about how they hated smart points and wanted to go back to points plus or flex points or whatever it was last. "But I can't eat all my favourite treats now. They are so high in points." Um... sorry but duh. That's the point. Weight Watchers finally clued in that having a high fibre, sugary granola bar for 3pts is not equal to having 4 ounces of chicken for 3 points. The new points system gently nudged people to eating clean, nutrient dense foods instead of processed, sugary crap. Plain and simple. You want to get better for life? This is what is going to do it for you. Not cramming in as many 100 cal bags of chips as you can.

*rant over*

My Mantra

When I started I knew I couldn't look at the big picture because the though of losing 80 to 100 lbs seemed impossible. So from the beginning my mantra became:

My goals were also chopped up into small morsels. I focused on getting my 5% charm, my 10% charm, my 25 lb charm, my 50 lb charm and so on. (75 lbs... I'm coming for you!)

Some days my goal was just to get to the next meal without bingeing or losing control. But that's what helped me most.

The Little Things Add Up

Here is a list of things that have helped me along the way:

• Start moving right away. I was 257 lbs when I walked to the pool deck for my aquafit class last January but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I felt like the fattest person around but I went to those classes every week, 3 times a week and those people supported me and watched me shrink. I am forever grateful for meeting such sweet people in that pool. Most of them over 60. But they always had such wisdom to share and big smiles for me.
  
• Track every single bite and don't stop. I went 200+ days of tracking straight, never stopping and then decided to eat mindfully on vacation in September and not track. Well I did fine. Only gained a pound while at Disney World but it was just after that time that my plateau started. Coincidence? Non... Je ne pense pas!
  
  
• Track but don't make yourself crazy. There are a few people I have encountered on Weight Watchers who are so scared to calculate a point wrong they get frantic. First of all RELAX! Being a perfect calculator of points won't make you lose more or less weight. The magic comes more in the keeping track and being accountable. Just do your best to find the closest calculations and you will be fine. I promise! Just track as best as you can!
  
• Water, Water, Water. And then more water. Whether it's with crystal light, tea or plain, just get it down your throat. It really makes a difference in how much you lose. I am a bit of a Coke Zero fan and my rule is, if I want a glass, I need to guzzle a glass or water first.
  
• Post on Connect as much as humanly possible. Instagram works too! My online community support and accountability was 75% of the reason I was successful this year. Hands down! I shared almost all my meals through photos and all of my nervous breakdowns through irrational, sappy posts. And yes, there were many.
  
• Get naked. I'm mean this both literally and figuratively. Take undie pics of yourself when you start. You might hate them on day 1 but you will thank yourself on day 40, day 150 and day 356. Having comparison shots is everything! But also get naked by being vulnerable. It's the scariest shit you can do but man, does it ever fill your heart when you realize how your struggles help others to know they aren't alone. But also that you aren't alone either.
  
• Don't Compare. This is so hard to do but people lose weight at such different rates for such different reasons. People who have more to lose might lose more quickly. Women over forty might lose more slowly because metabolism slows down as we get older. Men lose more quickly than women much of the time (and we have to have babies. Don't even get me started on how unfair that crap is!)
  
• Don't Hide Your Journey. I know so many people hide that they are on weight loss programs. And maybe for some it's necessary if there are toxic people in their lives that will sabotage them. For me, telling people about how hard battling my weight is feels more like relief. They finally understand that this is an addiction for me and I'm not just lazy and unmotivated. Food is like a drug and as I explain how hard weight loss is for me to sustain, I get more understanding than anything. There was a time in my life where I hid my pain and the emotional turmoil I was going through. I lost most of my friends during that time because I shut people out but I also gained 100 lbs in my late teens because of the secrets. It took me until this year to lose most of it, 17 years later.
  
• Find your soulmate workout. For me, I must move my body every single day. It helps my mood, weight loss and improves my eating. A soulmate workout is the workout you love to do even on the days when you can't fathom working out. Mine is "Cise" from Beachbody. It's hip hop dance and it's so fun! It's still challenging but it feels like a dance party instead. I also love walking outside.
  
• Help others succeed. Wow... I can't stress this enough. This doesn't mean be a know-it-all and give unsolicited advice to every heavy person you know. Definitely not. We all roll our eyes at those people. It means telling your friend on Connect that you are proud of her going to her first spin class. It's giving your struggling meeting buddy a hug at Weight Watchers. It's taking your pal out to her favourite point-friendly restaurant so you can talk workouts and point-friendly food all lunch long. (Leah, I'm looking at you). And wow, if you are at goal and you can, work with Weight Watchers! What a great way to keep you in check and how beautiful to help other people get healthy and happy. Service is an endless gift that makes you better and other people better.
  
  
• Plateaus might happen. I hope for you they don't but if they do, don't do like me. LOL I was so mad when I continued to do the things that worked and the scale wouldn't budge. Then I tried difference things to see if it would budge but it didn't. UGH!! So frustrating. But what my ever-so-smart weight watchers friends told me was true. When your body is ready to keep going, it will. You just have to keep doing your best and ride it out. YOU GUYS WERE RIGHT!!
  
  
• Don't give unsolicited advice. I know it's easy to tell everyone how to lose weight once you're on a roll but don't do it unless someone specifically asks. I am very careful not to share my opinions or ideas with people unless they ask first. Sometimes people need to vent without having a list of solutions thrown at them. Most of us know what to do but we just want to be heard and understood.
  
  
• Some people are assholes. This is true in all facets of life but they can come out in droves when you are feeling good about yourself and finding something that works. Saboteurs will be everywhere: in your family, at work, within your friends and heck, I've even had some through the Weight Watchers community. Don't let them get in your head! I had one member on Connect tell me that maybe I should just stick to posting to Instagram. I blocked her and posted on Connect even more. Thanks, hun! Mwah. Another told me I was an idiot for describing my journey the way I did. Blocked him too. I ain't got room for haters!
  
• Educate yourself. Last year wasn't just about learning Weight Watchers and sticking to it. For a few years now, I've done a lot of personal development reading, listening to food/nutrition related podcasts and documentaries and absorbing as much as I can about fitness and physical/spiritual health. It's changed me but has also given me the tools to make better choices for me. This life is so short. I want to learn how to live it the best way I can.
  
• Practice Gratitude. A few years ago, I also started to practice gratitude every day. Not just at night but in the moment as well. Did you ever happen to really stop and look at a sunrise? Like really stop what you're doing and bask in its utter beauty? In those moments, stop and say thank you. Thank you to God, the Universe, your mom.... Just thanks someone. When you realize how blessed you are every day, you can't help but feel good. And when you start to feel grateful, you will attract even more abundance into your life. My life changed when I started this. Yours will too.

Beyond The Scale

Yes I lost 62 lbs last year which was AMAZING but what I gained beyond the scale was what left the most impact on my heart and spirit. Here's a list of amazing things I never thought I'd be able to do but I did:

• Ran 5k under 37 minutes
• Ran my first 5K race. Read about that here.
• Wrote a documentary and spoke at the screening event
• Did my first spin class
• Went on all the scary rides at Disney World. Read about that here.
• Can easily do pushups on my toes
• Rid myself of most of my back pain
• Learned to take work that would fuel me
• Learned to say no a lot more
• Started my 4th blog?!? I can't  remember how many I've had over the last 12 years but that's about right. Oddly enough, my first blog was all about my second time joining Weight Watchers 10 years ago. 
• Had a huge epiphany about my food addiction. Read about it here.
• I met soulmates over the Internet. People who shared my battle and struggles, who without even knowing me in person, lifted me up and cheered me along the way. I think as people, our strongest urge is to connect with other beings, especially those who understand what we are going through. My friendships through Connect and Instagram have been the fuel to my fire this year. So thanks all of you who were part of the ride. I have some pretty exciting news coming up in regards to my Weight Watchers journey. I can't wait to share it all with you soon!

My Best Year... So Far!

The year 2016 will be one I will always remember as the year I was most proud of me. As selfish as it sounds to put yourself first, especially when you are a wife and mom, it is the least selfish thing you can do. When I decided to make myself better, it made me a better wife, a better mom, a better daughter, a better sister, a better friend and a better person. 

When you lose weight, the first thing people say is "wow, you must feel like a new person." But that's not really what it is. I think I just uncovered more of the REAL me. And I'm glad I did.