We talked about a lot of things surrounding my weight loss journey. I told her about being body shamed at the scale on goal day and that that I may have rocked the boat about the need for a bit more sensitivity at the scales. She said that I was a pioneer, challenging the status quo. Ugh... I told her it was a role I wan't looking for and a role I wasn't really comfortable taking on.
I also told her about my social media following and how I used it for accountability but that I also found comfort in knowing others were going through similar struggles. I talked about how losing my protective fat layer has left me feeling naked and vulnerable. Because if people don't like me now, it's not because I'm fat but because they don't like my personality. Ouch!
Here are some of the main themes that came up:
- I pull way too much value from what other people think of me and feel I'm only worthy if praise is coming from others. Yeah... this has been my since as long as I can remember. A good girl is a loved girl and love means I'm okay!
- I need to start loving myself more and not finding my worth from what other people think of me.
- If I'm a true leader, I will keep negative comments on my posts and deal with them with respect by saying "I'm sorry you feel that way and good luck with your journey." These negative people are dealing with their own major issues and I should treat them compassionately and FORGIVE them. Ugh... sounds horrible. lol I know this is so true. I need to live it.
- I absorb way too much of other people's energy because I think that I need to fix everybody else's problems. I need to stay in my own hula hoop. If I respect other people, I should respect that they can take care of their own shit. I am responsible TO people but not FOR people.
- I don't have to keep myself off social media but I need to understand that it's not where I should pull my self worth. Noted.
- I explained to her that I realized at what point food became my drug. Somewhere around age 8. She encouraged me to talk to the little girl and remind her why she is special. It's pretty simple... "Little Nat - you're good enough. You've always been good enough and you will always be good enough. You have a beautiful soul, you are loving and an intelligent girl and you should love the person you are and the woman you will become."
My thoughts on therapy: therapy is not for f*cked up people. Therapy is for anyone who wants to get unstuck. I love Chalene Johnson and as a business coach she requires her students to get therapy because it makes them better entrepreneurs. Why would you not get help to unstick yourself? Who doesn't want to be better?
Anyway, I feel so much better. I always say that when you feel emotionally constipated, you should go to therapy because it's much like having a huge emotional dump. Crude but true. It feels soooo good! And I am and will always be a work in progress. One thing I have learned as I get older: the older I get, the more I realize I know NOTHING!
Does any of this resonate for anyone else? I'm guessing that many of us compulsive overeaters deal with many of these themes. Do you like therapy?
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